It seems somehow fitting on a day when I turn thirty-something (thirty-four to be precise) and that Red Dwarf is back on our TV screens that the album of the day is Carter USMs magnum opus.
For this masterpiece of punk-pop begins with a classic slice of Arnold J. Rimmer: "when you're younger you can eat what you like, drink what you like and still climb into those 26 inch waist trousers and zip them closed. Then you reach that age...24... 25... Your muscles give up, they wave a little white flag and without any warning at all you're suddenly a fat bastard"
Just typing that makes me feel excited by what's to follow.
What is it about Carter USM and a record titled 30 SOMETHING that appealed to 13 year old lad? I think initially it was the swearing. The chants of "You Fat Bastard" that kick off proceedings seemed incredibly funny, rude and dangerous. You had to listen to it on your headphones or turn the volume down low in case Mum and Dad heard it. Then there was the crunchy guitars. The samples. The drum machines. The cool t-shirts. And then they gave Philip Scofield a good kicking live on TV. In my mind that secured them as the epitome of punk rock.
Only they're not really that punk are they. Two thirty something blokes who can't play guitars that well and use a drum machine. It doesn't even sound punk. It wasn't till I actually heard them that I realised The Clash and Sex Pistols never had synths, didn't sing ballads, go on Top Of The Pop or have lyricist as brilliant as Jimbob (ok, well The Clash did). It's also not very punk rock to form your duo because your other band mates didn't turn up to a rehearsal.
Yet the majesty of Carter USM is something to behold for those of the right age and mindset during those halcyon days of '91-'92. The sound of thrashy guitar and tinny drum machine stirs something deep and primal inside me. The thought of this record makes me feel a bit giddy with excitement. I tremble a bit inside. It's a bit like the first flush of love. I've been coming back to it every now and again for years and the effect is always the same. Maybe its an echo or memory of the waves of exhilaration I felt as a teenager. The first time I crowd surfed was at Carter gig. December 18th, 1992. Hereford Leisure Centre. Doesn't sound very punk does it.
They alway say you never forget your first love. And I've not forgotten you Carter. I've got a feeling it's the same for some of my fellow Carter fans (they know who they are). One day we shall all reach 80 something and I think we'll still feel the same.
I'm not going to bother going talking my usual pretentious bollocks about the music. If you like Carter you'll understand. If you didn't, you never will. But maybe you feel the same about some other lesser band. And if you've never heard them, well it's probably too late, you just wont get it.
Anyway I've got birthday cake to eat.
SURFING USM
BLOODSPORT FOR ALL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeftQ8sTXZw
SHOPPER'S PARADISE
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